Ruth's story

Ruth was 15 years old when she arrived on Karen and Peter’s doorstep, frightened and apprehensive about what these foster carers would be like. Ten years on she is a confident, settled and talented young woman with a partner and daughter both of whom she adores.

Ruth tells of the traumas she suffered between the ages of 10 and 15 years which resulted eventually in her moving from her birth family. “I felt pushed out and rejected and so frightened that I would be killed that I even tried to commit suicide myself during that time. I knew that I was a difficult pupil – I couldn’t control my angry outbursts, but hated myself for being like that.” Her teachers knew that something was wrong and eventually Ruth’s distress just spilt out and she told one of her teachers “who was fantastic and very supportive”.

We weren’t put off by looking after teenagers – we feel all young people need a safe and loving home.
Peter and Karen, foster carers

It took Ruth a long time to realise that her foster parents, Karen and her husband Peter, didn’t row and that she would always be safe and wanted in this family. Looking back Ruth says: “All I want is a normal life, the ten years I’ve been part of Karen and Peter’s family has made me realize what a family is all about, just that they are there for you.”

Many years ago Karen looked after a black child as part of a holiday scheme for needy London families. He fitted in so well with her husband and all the family that she decided to apply to foster. She wanted to give some of the love, care and opportunities she and Peter had been able to provide their own children to those who were not so lucky. When they went on the preparation training course everyone was asked what age children they would like to foster. It was only Karen and Peter who said any age 0 – 18!

Fostering is not an easy ride and Karen explained that Ruth continued to have her ups and downs. Karen’s message to anyone thinking of fostering is “Be prepared. Young people will often have problems at school and will need you to have the time and commitment to help sort these out. You must be able to accept children as part of your own family, which means treating them the same as if they were your own children.” When Ruth had difficulties Karen said it was not the end of the line, instead it was: “How shall we sort this out?” She talked problems through with Ruth sometimes into the early hours.

I’m lucky, in fact I’m a lot more than lucky, if it wasn’t for Karen and her family I wouldn’t be here, I’ve no doubt I wouldn’t be alive today.
Ruth

Ruth’s confidence gradually grew and she went onto achieve two GNVQs, a National Diploma in Art and Design at Hastings College and a Higher National Diploma in Graphic Design from Brighton University twinned with Hastings College.

The rewards for Ruth and Karen have been huge. For Ruth, Karen’s family is her family, Karen is ‘Mum’ and always will be.

For Karen it is little things, like the day Ruth dressed up in a smart suit, for the first time taking some pride in her appearance. Karen told her she was absolutely stunning - “we were all in tears” said Karen.